I have not written in a while - But that does not mean that I have not been thinking!
This is taken from a letter that I wrote someone earlier --
I am working SO very hard at trying to make myself a better person - physically and mentally. I NEED to feel better physically and mentally. I can not go through life feeling so bad about myself. I know I can't make myself younger or prettier -- But I can at least be thinner and healthier and hopefully happier.
I know you can't see the weight loss - and that really is ok. When you are as fat as I was/am it really does not matter if it is 10 pounds or 60 pounds. But I am one pound away from losing 60 pounds. I am down 6 pant sizes and half a shoe size (strange that your feet get smaller when you lose weight). I am hoping to reach my goal of 75 pounds by Christmas. That will be 75 pounds in 5 months. Not too bad, I don't think.
And yes, after reading over this -- I realize now more than ever - That I place my self worth on my size, what others think of me and how they treat me.
WOW! I really do feel this way - I lay out my feelings. I let other people dictate how I feel about myself. I want so desperately to be loved and liked. I don't think I know anyone that does not want those things. But I am realizing that I am giving people SO much power over me. WHY!?!?!?! Why do I let what others think of me be the ONE thing that gives me self worth?
Yet one more thing I need to work on.
On a VERY happy note --
I knew my size 28 jeans were WAY too big. The 26s were WAY too big. The 24s were WAY too big. Recently I have been tightening the belt 4 notches on my 22s. SOOooOoooo....tonight I went to the Salvation Army to see what they had in the big girls sizes. I bought 2 pair of 20's -- Thinking they would be too tight but would soon fit with a few Zumba classes and getting used to my restriction and not fighting to eat against the band.
A few minutes ago I tried them on to see just how many workouts it was going to take to get into them. NOT ONLY did they fit -- But they are ROOMY! Size 20s are ROOMY. Roomy enough that I will need to wear a belt with them.
When I started this journey I would have never worn a belt - I didn't even own one. My new to me size 20s need a belt.
I am so happy that I cried.
Thank you for letting me share this with you.
Keb
289/230/today's mini goal - size 16
Kebbie! That's awesome! Keep up the great work!
ReplyDeleteI am so happy for you and I'm also SO proud of you!
ReplyDeleteLove you!
Steph
That is SO awesome!! CONGRATS!! ~Lena
ReplyDelete