Tuesday, October 13, 2009

I am so in love

She is 22.5 pounds, 35 inches tall, huge blue eyes and chestnut brown curls.

I never ever thought I could love another person as much as I love her.

She is funny. She can say a few words. She is quite fond of spontaneous baby dancing. She can and does say - "Ah lub you, Mama. "

I love you too, Silly.

I am blessed beyond belief.

She is truly perfection in human form.

Sunday, October 4, 2009

Sexy VS Sensual...my thoughts ....




concerned predominantly or excessively with sex; risqué: a sexy novel.


sexually interesting or exciting; radiating sexuality: the sexiest professor on campus.


excitingly appealing; glamorous: a sexy new car.




pertaining to, inclined to, or preoccupied with the gratification of the senses or appetites; carnal; fleshly.


lacking in moral restraints; lewd or unchaste.


arousing or exciting the senses or appetites.


worldly; materialistic; irreligious.


of or pertaining to the senses or physical sensation; sensory.


pertaining to the philosophical doctrine of sensationalism.

Is there a difference to you? Which one do you see yourself as? Do the two intermingle?

For me – They are two different things. I do not see myself as sexy. I see young, skinny chicks as sexy. The ones that wear slinky, sexy clothes. Those cat like girls that move all slinky like. The ones all of the boys look at. I want to be looked at like that too. I want pretty undies and night gowns and sexy clothes too.

But, then I think about sexy as a feeling. Do I feel sexy? Sometimes. But, only if I am in a sexual position. That is a different thing than being sexy, I think. I want to be sexy all of the time. I want to get up and get dressed in the morning and think – Wow! I feel sexy as hell. I usually just feel functional.

Do I feel that I am a sexual person? Yes. I do. Do I think I am a sensual person? Yes. I do. I am very loving, very affectionate and a very physical person. I am a very tactile person. I love to touch. In sexual and nonsexual ways.

I spent a lot of time today thinking about the two and the differences and how they pertain to me. I want to be both. I want to be beautiful, sexy and sensual. I want to put on pretty things and not feel out of place or like I am wearing someone else's clothes. I want to feel like I am in my own skin – not like I am playing dress up.

How do you get there? How do you get to that mental place of being sexy? I know it is all in the head. From there the body will follow. I see plenty of big girls that are sexy. It is all in how they carry themselves. How they feel inside. I need to find that place inside so I can let it show on the outside.

Just one more thing I need to work on.

Friday, October 2, 2009

New NSV's (non scale victories)

I have had a pair of shorts that my Mom bought me at the beginning of Summer sitting in my bedroom -- When I first got them they were at LEAST 6 inches from buttoning and were T I G H T across the booty. For S's & G's I tried them on the other night before I went to bed. They slipped right over my hips and buttoned without even sucking in my stomach. YAY ME!!! I think I am going to grab a pair of size 16/18 jeans this weekend to hang in the bathroom for some visualization. My size goal is to get down into a size 8/10. But I will be THRILLED with anything less than the 22 that I am now.

My next NSV is Zumba!! I went last night for the first time. WOW! If you have one near you RUN do not walk and get there. You do not have to do the high impact. You can march in place if you get over tired or out of breath. Don't get me wrong -- It is HARD! I mean REALLY hard. But so well worth it!!

You learn things about yourself when you take classes like this. I learned that I am INSANELY competitive. There was no way in hell I was going to let the 5'0, 100 pound instructor best me. I was NOT going to be the fat girl in the room that couldn't hack it and had to give up. I was the biggest girl there. I am about 6 pounds heavier than my friend that was with me -- I convinced 3 other friends to come with me. 2 are about 215 and 2 of us are in the 230's. We all made it through the class! If you do not know anything about zumba - you can check it out on youtube.com. You can burn about 1000 to 1200 calories in an hour. Our class was an hour and 15 minutes. I would love to add another class a week. It is something to work up to!

Anywho -- Those are my NSVs for the day!

289/238/to add one more Zumba class a week