Friday, January 21, 2011

Love, peace and the pursuit of happiness....

In honor of Valentines day coming up - I thought I would write about love....

I have always loved with a passion. Loved too hard. Too deep. Too much. Too easily. It is how I was raised. It is part of the circumstances of my childhood. Years of therapy - did I say years? I mean YEARS of therapy have shown me that it is ok to love in healthy ways. And to allow myself to be loved. In healthy ways.

Love comes in many forms. And at different times. Polyamory - Many loves. The ability to love more than one person at once. The ability to be in a relationship with more than one person at a time. So many ways to love and only so many years in our life. So many opportunities to share ourselves. To open our hearts.

An article from Newsweek about it - I thought it was interesting - I agree with some of it -- And not with other parts of it --

I am not talking about that creepy polyamory of "swingers clubs" or the men with God complexes that think they are going to repopulate the world with their child brides. I am talking about the ability for adults to love each other. To be monogamous with more than one person. - Oxymorinic I know -- But it makes sense to me. Everything in life does not involve sex, you know. Sometimes, it is just love.

It is sharing of family. The sharing of lifes responsibility. The sharing of raising children. The sharing of financial responsibility. The sharing of deep contented peace. The sharing of spiritual growth. The sharing of your heart. And the sharing of love.

I have promised myself that I would open myself to more love this year. I have promised myself that I would open myself to God. And do my best to let him lead the way. To let him guide my life. To find the peace deep down within.

I have promised myself that for the first time in almost 41 years that I would allow myself to be happy. Truly happy.

These are just a few of my thoughts to -- right, wrong or indifferent - they are mine.

I wish you all love, peace and happiness.

Thursday, January 20, 2011

January 19, 2000 til now.

Eleven years ago yesterday I gave birth to my triplets. 2 girls and a boy. Olivia Rose, Avery Clare and Maxwell James. The best and worst day of my life. I never knew what love was before I had them. They died. My marriage ended. I lost all of my friends. I had a breakdown.

When my married ended. Very few people stood by me. Even my very best friends did not understand. I was alone. And I found love all over again. Ken was in my life. I had found love.

Some people do not know what it has taken me 18 years to have my beautiful Lilly. I started infertility treatments when I was 22 years old. I am now spitting distance from 41. I want another one.

My life is complicated. My relationships are complicated. The way I love is complicated. My life has more love in it than I ever could have imagined. It is different. But it is happy and it is mine.
I still have that hippy chick commune living mentality. And I am good with it.

While I do not quote scripture and PTL in public all of the time. I am good with my spiritual connection. I am a work in progress. I usually feel like Weezy in Steel Magnolias - at the end where she says - YES, I PRAY! -- It seems to surprise people that someone so liberal, someone who can love more than one person at a time, someone so far to the left -- prays often. But I do.

I want to have another baby. I know that I am not done having babies yet. We shall see what this year brings for us. I was SO very blessed to have my beautiful 15 year old niece move in with us this year. She is a wonderful, bright, funny and caring girl. She is typical of most 15 year olds -- always with her cell in her hand. To me - She is perfect. Both of my girls are.

Lilly will be 3 March 27th. Who would have EVER thought that I would have a 3 year old!?!?! She is amazing. Funny as all get out -- NEVER closes her mouth. Who knows where that comes from!?!?! HA!

Life is far from easy - But it is mine - And it is a good life.


ps - This was going to be about all of the junk I have eaten in the past two days to sooth my soul, my lack of exercising, the fact that I have gained weight, blah blah blah.... But once I started writing -- It just wasn't all that important...

Monday, January 10, 2011

Magnolia Pearl...


Her name was Magnolia Pearl and she had crystal blue eyes. She was born in a gypsy wagon in the woods with the sounds of trickling water and the Earth to welcome her into the world. There was nothing average about her. She barely cried her first cry. She was a peaceful baby born at sunrise and surrounded by love. The love of her mother, father, God and the love of the universe.

As she grew she was funny, bright and loving. Her laughter sounded like wind chimes. In her mother and fathers eyes she was perfect. Bright blue eyes and long dark curls. She could swim like a fish and run like the wind. She spoke with a soft Southern lilt.

In the evenings she sat by the fire and listened to her the stories her father would tell her. Tales of life lived in far away lands. Travels around the world. Tales of how he met her mother and how their love and dreams grew into her. Of the day she was born and the joy that she brought them. She learned of her ancestors and religion.

Friends they made here and there on their travels tried calling her Maggie, but she insisted they call her by her given name, Magnolia Pearl. When someone questioned her instance she would explain the meaning of her name. Magnolia, the state flower of Louisiana. A tall strong tree with its roots firmly in the ground and beautifully scented creamy white flowers. And Pearl. A tiny grain of sand lovingly wrapped in a shell, cherished until it was ready for the world to see.

Just like her.

Her mother and father had waited a lifetime and then some for her arrival. And unexpectedly she came at sunrise on a spring morning.

One night while her mother watched her sleep tucked in rich blue velvet, Magnolia pushed her hair from her face. And in an instant her mother saw Magnolia's future. Not as the beautiful precocious child, but as the woman she would be. Happy, healthy and wise.

Magnolia Pearl was a little girl born of love, dreams and hope. A little girl raised in a Gyspy Wagon deep in the woods, by a stream, surrounded by love.

Tuesday, January 4, 2011

My Gypsy Wagon

My Gypsy Wagon....

In my next life...when I am alone...I shall live in a gypsy wagon deep in the woods. It will be beautiful and have everything that I need. I will never want for anything. I will have long hair, clear eyes and skin. I will be what others see in me.

I shall have a lover. His eyes bluer than my own. His beard will be as long as my hair. We shall have been together for so long that we have begun to look alike.

In our wagon in the woods we will have a stream close be able to listen to the trickle of water. It will lead to a waterfall where we bathe. Where we swim in each others arms. A rock where we can lay in the sun like young lovers after a day of making love.

I will become a master chef of foraged things. I will wake when the sun rises and drift to sleep somewhere in the dark.

I will love with everything that I am. Even if it is only myself.

My Gyspy Wagon will have beautiful wheels..So when I grow weary of my woods -- We shall change locations...

We will spend the rest of our days and our nights in my Gypsy wagon.