Tuesday, December 29, 2009
Monday, December 28, 2009
Saturday, December 26, 2009
**Lunch with friends
**A night at home watching movies with hubby
**Bedtime snuggles with the worlds most perfect child
**A whole new vocabulary from the worlds most perfect child
**The not so fine art of blogging
**Love sweet love...
Christmas Fat and other random thoughts...
As always, it starts out with good intentions. A little taste of this and a little bite of that.
I want it all -- Gimme, Gimme, Gimme. Two hands gobbling up things like cookie monster.
Ok - So maybe it wasn't all that bad. Maybe it just felt that way. But in hind site it did seem like gobblegobblegobble.
Only a couple of pounds. Nothing too bad. All of my clothes still fit. It isn't like I went up three sizes. Nothing is too tight.
But even that couple of pounds my skin feels too tight. My fingers feel like they are going to pop. Like in the summer when you swell from walking in the heat. But this time, my rings still fit. Actually, they are still too big. Even my shoes are still loose.
But I have gained. NOT the direction I want to go in.
I have another fill scheduled for 12:20 pm on Monday. I am hungry 2 hrs after I eat.
There are a lot of things that I can not eat still. Sometimes I get depressed driving past fast food restaurants. I miss not being able to stop and get cheese burger. I remember when I was a kid and McDonald's cooked their onions on the grill - that was before everyone and their brother was allergic to everything. I want that fu*king cheeseburger. More than most an imagine. But if I take a bite, it will just come back up. One bite will yield a half a cup of spit. So no cheeseburger for me. Actually, no ground meat products for me. If it is late enough in the evening and my band is relaxed/open enough I can eat a little ground meat. Until recently - I never had a problem with steak. Only once did it not work out so well. I can no longer eat doughy bread. I am ok if the bread is toasted.
What I DO have a problem with is SUGAR. Cake, candy, Christmas cookies all go down just fine. Icecream, also fine.
Willpower -- None.
I also have not been exercising. I NEED to exercise. I HAVE to exercise. It is really the only way I can continue to lose weight. My body has proved it is not the kind of body that can do it on dieting alone.
And no matter how or what anyone says - this IS a diet. It will ALWAYS be a diet. I will never be one of those people that can just eat whatever and never have to pay attention to it. I will always have to count protein and fat grams. And calories. And I am ok with that.
Like everyone else - I need encouragement. I need understanding. I need love.
I wish you all each of those things and so much more.
289/234/To get back on track (mini goal -- to lose 14 pounds)
Friday, December 25, 2009
** My wonderful friends from here and around the world
** My family - The one I was born with and the ones that I chose
** A baby that slept late on Christmas Morn, almost like she knew Mama and Daddy were up til almost 3am putting her kitchen together
** A day in our pjs
** And as always - Love, sweet, sweet love...
Merry Christmas, everyone!!! Whether you are with friends and family today or spending it alone -- I hope you have peace in your heart...
Monday, December 21, 2009
The past 7 years have been full of ups, downs and sideways. You have given me the best thing that has ever happened to me. She is amazing and has made us better people. She looks like a tiny version of you, has my temperament, and is truly the best of both of us. She is perfection in human form.
I count my blessings each and every day. Our marriage might not be perfect, but it is ours and I love it.
Thank you for everything that you do and everything that you are.
I would say "I do" all over again.
I love you,
Friday, December 11, 2009
So for those that have wanted to see what I look like -- This is it - My before and my current!
Here is to my next mini goal of 220!
Wednesday, December 9, 2009
"The weight is not coming off."
"I should have had the other surgery."
"I had this done 3 months ago and have only lost 20 lbs."
"I feel like I am dieting."
I belong to a couple of support group forums, chat boards, weight loss forums and other places. I hear these things all of the time. What did you think you were getting yourselves into? This is not a magic fix.
I did not wake up one morning and weigh almost 300 pounds. I am not going to wake up tomorrow and weigh 120. I am sure that if I had gone the bypass route I would weigh MUCH less by now. I would probably be down 120 pounds instead of 60 pounds. But with the band I still have all of my hair, do not need to take additional vitamins (other than the normal daily ones I have always taken) and all of the calories and nutrients I take in get absorbed.
Yes, it is work. It is a LOT of work. It is HARD work. It IS being on a diet. I pay attention to what I eat. How much I eat. When I eat, etc. This is the way that normal people do it -- They just do not need to do it as diligently I do.
"I am just waiting for my fills to start working." "I am just waiting for proper restriction."
Waiting for something to happen? Stop waiting and be proactive. Again - this is NOT magic! Nor is it rocket science. Eat less, move more. Just because you CAN eat a ton, does not mean that you SHOULD eat a ton. Keep in mind that you spent a ton of money for this surgery - it is a tool - not a magic wand. Why would you spend $30,000 and then woof down a whole pizza!?!?! Just because you can?
Doing things because you could is what got you here in the first place.
All of these things frustrate me to no end. People just waiting for life to happen to them. People waiting for weight loss to come to them. People waiting for someone or something to do the work for them.
Do the work yourself. You will be a better person for it.
Of course I may just be projecting.
A friend called to tell me he bought me a jacket. What size, I ask - Always my first question when it comes to clothes. It's an Extra Large. I cringe. ya wasted your money, babe I thought it, I didn't say it out loud. I go over to his house last night. He is all excited after a little bit and says, Oh yeah - your new coat. More cringing. I HATE trying things on in front of people. The embarrassment when something doesn't fit makes me want to crawl UNDER the bed. He pulls out the coat. COOL! It is beautiful. Ya think it will fit? Of course it will. It will fit like a glove, just like it should. really? Do you know me!?! come on.
I should mention this friend is a fashion stylist. AMAZING taste. Owns his own clothing resale business. To me - His word about clothing is GOLD.
He helps me on with the new coat. And it fits. Like a glove. He was right.
Speaking of coats - I found another on yesterday. I REALLY expensive coat that I had bought at the thrift shop for about $5 last year. It didn't even come close to fitting. But I figured that I could always sell it on Ebay at some point. Well, I found it wadded up in the bottom of an closet yesterday. When I bought it -- I couldn't even get it up over my arms. Yesterday - It fit like a glove.
Sometimes I feel like I do not know myself. I will catch a glimpse in the mirror and do a double take.
I have had people say that can't tell I have lost any weight. They say they never noticed my weight. Yes, I know they are just being nice. I am down 5 sizes and over 60 pounds lost.
It is a big adjustment. But I am adjusting...
Life is pretty good.
289/231/for this IVF to work