I am pouty and whiny. Everyone is asleep. And I am websurfing. And it is making me even more pouty and whiny.
I want to be one of those girls. I have always wanted to be one of those girls. That girl.
I have been looking at tumblr and flikr pages. I want to take cool pics of the cool things in my life. Sexy things. Body parts. Elusive and sexy. Rumpled beds. Cool apartments. Exotic cities.
I wanted to be a cool girl in high school. I wasn’t. I was an invisible girl. I was my sister’s sister. My brother’s sister. My mother’s daughter. I was never just Kebbie. I have been at points in my life.
I grab onto it for a little while….and then I lose it again. For a few minutes I am the popular girl at the party.
I am the girl wearing naughty undies under a formal dress. I am the girl that takes elusive and sexy pictures of blurred and various body parts.
Then it slips away again. And I am the Mommy. The wanna be Mommy. The one trying to get to be a Mommy. The wife that is unclogging the toilet. Digging the garden. Wearing granny panties under Mom jeans. – Ok, kids – let us not go THAT far. But you get the picture. Don't get me wrong. I LOVE my life. Being a Mama is all I have ever wanted. But sometimes....
I will be 41 in a week. I will be doing my three millionth IVF in a couple of months. I will be babysitting 5 kids under the age of 3. I will be the mother of a 3 year old and the Aunt Keb to a 15 year old.
Somewhere in there I will lose the 15 pounds I have gained since breaking my toes TWICE. And lose another 35 pounds.
And maybe – just maybe ….if you see a picture of a blurred random body part…or rumpled bed….or both…maybe I will have become that girl.
(sexy body part...not mine)