Monday, December 27, 2010

Broken toes and fuck you's...

BEWARE -- If you read past this --

You are going to hear swear words used a LOT. It is that kind of day -- and blog post --

This is my fuck you! post of the year. Ok - the end of the year.

Christmas Eve I managed to trip over the couch and break my middle toe on my right foot. At times - like when one of the kids uses my foot as a handy helper to stay up -- it hurts so back I might hurl. I keep trying NOT to scream FFFUUUUCK!!! But it is hard.

I was standing in the shower this morning like an overgrown human version of a flamingo with scalding hot water running over my body thinking...

Thinking about all of the people I would say FUCK YOU! to. I wanted to think of them and send send them light and love -- but the only light I could muster was laser beams and the only love I could muster was FUCK YOU!, your Mama and your Grandmama. Charming, I know.

I want desparately to be that calm and loving woman. The mother Earth. The baby wearing vixXxen. Truth is -- I am just tired of feeling like the world is fucking with me. Yes, yes, yes -- I know - it is the end of the year coming to a head. I am on my period. My 41st birthday looms around the corner -- blah blah blah.

But really? Lady on the airplane that was eating a half gallon bag of green bell peppers!?!?! And jackoff husband that was playing on his Kindle. You REALLY had to throw a bitch fit because my cell phone would not turn off fast enough. The engines were not on, we were still at the gate and I have never heard of a plane falling down because my fucking Blackberry wouldn't turn off before the plane had even started.

Christmas day screwed up by -- Well, that is not worth getting into in public. But it sucked. I was so very jealous of everyone posting on Facebook about their Rockwell type days. Their perfect families. All of it. I finally said fuck it and took a nap - After an amazing primerib dinner -- the night ended on a high note.

Did I mention my toe HURTS!? It does -- big shooting pain up my leg.

People all up in my Kool-Aid and don't even know what flavor it is. Fuck you! dude on the plane that called me a "fat bitch". My cell phone wouldn't turn off -- Mind your own business or like I said, sit down and shut up. I hate being embarrassed. But I was about to roll up my sleeves, put my hair in a pony tail and take my earrings out. Somebody almost made me lose my Christian.

And to those of you that have recently made me cry - Fuck you too! -

And as I stood there under the cooling water -- sending all of my FUCK YOU's! out into the Universe - I began to feel better. I began to feel that calmness creep over me. Yeah, I was still a tad pissed at the couch. But I was feeling better in my heart and soul. My skin was bright red...washed anew and all of that jazz. I sent a little love and light out to those poor bastards that I had just cursed. Things coming back 10 fold and that kind of thing.

Sometimes it just feels good to let it all out...

As I dried off I thought about something I had read before - To maintain weight loss and keep it going -- Put on a pair of pants that are a tad tight -- Or at least fitted -- NOT sweats/stretchy pants. I lived in sweats this weekend. So I put on my tightest size 16's. And they were comfortable. And a slim black t-shirt. I wouldn't wear the shirt out alone -- but it has kept me in check as far as eating goes today.

So that is my tale of my broken toe and telling people to fuck off...

As Scarlett always says -- Tomorrow is another day.
Happy Almost New Year!
(who is 2 pounds lighter even after vacation)

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