Monday, February 14, 2011

That Girl....

I am pouty and whiny. Everyone is asleep. And I am websurfing. And it is making me even more pouty and whiny.

I want to be one of those girls. I have always wanted to be one of those girls. That girl.

I have been looking at tumblr and flikr pages. I want to take cool pics of the cool things in my life. Sexy things. Body parts. Elusive and sexy. Rumpled beds. Cool apartments. Exotic cities.

I wanted to be a cool girl in high school. I wasn’t. I was an invisible girl. I was my sister’s sister. My brother’s sister. My mother’s daughter. I was never just Kebbie. I have been at points in my life.

I grab onto it for a little while….and then I lose it again. For a few minutes I am the popular girl at the party.

I am the girl wearing naughty undies under a formal dress. I am the girl that takes elusive and sexy pictures of blurred and various body parts.

Then it slips away again. And I am the Mommy. The wanna be Mommy. The one trying to get to be a Mommy. The wife that is unclogging the toilet. Digging the garden. Wearing granny panties under Mom jeans. – Ok, kids – let us not go THAT far. But you get the picture. Don't get me wrong. I LOVE my life. Being a Mama is all I have ever wanted. But sometimes....

I will be 41 in a week. I will be doing my three millionth IVF in a couple of months. I will be babysitting 5 kids under the age of 3. I will be the mother of a 3 year old and the Aunt Keb to a 15 year old.

Somewhere in there I will lose the 15 pounds I have gained since breaking my toes TWICE. And lose another 35 pounds.

And maybe – just maybe ….if you see a picture of a blurred random body part…or rumpled bed….or both…maybe I will have become that girl.

(sexy body part...not mine)


  1. For crying out loud, don't let the world define you. You are a child of the universe, no less than the stars. You and you alone decide who you are and to hell with the rest. If you lose weight, do it for your healt, so you can be there for the ones you love, not to impress anyone. You are your own person and answer only to you!

    1. Great answer. I admire your answer.
      (Sorry , I know - non of my business. I just had to say)