Saturday, December 26, 2009

Christmas Fat and other random thoughts...

As always these are my thoughts and opinions and not meant to offend. These are my own personal feelings and I speak for no one else...

Christmas Fat and other random thoughts...

As always, it starts out with good intentions. A little taste of this and a little bite of that.

I want it all -- Gimme, Gimme, Gimme. Two hands gobbling up things like cookie monster.


Ok - So maybe it wasn't all that bad. Maybe it just felt that way. But in hind site it did seem like gobblegobblegobble.

Only a couple of pounds. Nothing too bad. All of my clothes still fit. It isn't like I went up three sizes. Nothing is too tight.

But even that couple of pounds my skin feels too tight. My fingers feel like they are going to pop. Like in the summer when you swell from walking in the heat. But this time, my rings still fit. Actually, they are still too big. Even my shoes are still loose.

But I have gained. NOT the direction I want to go in.

I have another fill scheduled for 12:20 pm on Monday. I am hungry 2 hrs after I eat.

There are a lot of things that I can not eat still. Sometimes I get depressed driving past fast food restaurants. I miss not being able to stop and get cheese burger. I remember when I was a kid and McDonald's cooked their onions on the grill - that was before everyone and their brother was allergic to everything. I want that fu*king cheeseburger. More than most an imagine. But if I take a bite, it will just come back up. One bite will yield a half a cup of spit. So no cheeseburger for me. Actually, no ground meat products for me. If it is late enough in the evening and my band is relaxed/open enough I can eat a little ground meat. Until recently - I never had a problem with steak. Only once did it not work out so well. I can no longer eat doughy bread. I am ok if the bread is toasted.

What I DO have a problem with is SUGAR. Cake, candy, Christmas cookies all go down just fine. Icecream, also fine.

Willpower -- None.

I also have not been exercising. I NEED to exercise. I HAVE to exercise. It is really the only way I can continue to lose weight. My body has proved it is not the kind of body that can do it on dieting alone.

And no matter how or what anyone says - this IS a diet. It will ALWAYS be a diet. I will never be one of those people that can just eat whatever and never have to pay attention to it. I will always have to count protein and fat grams. And calories. And I am ok with that.

Like everyone else - I need encouragement. I need understanding. I need love.

I wish you all each of those things and so much more.

289/234/To get back on track (mini goal -- to lose 14 pounds)

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